When in Iowa, Do As the Iowans Do
by Classical E. Centric
Summary: Getting a phone call from Sean to come & visit is one thing. But having Hotch's mother there, is much different. Rossi/Hotch slash. Some OOC moments. FIVESHOT. Written for SunnyInOregon.
1. That damn phone call

**Author's Notes: I wrote this five-shot for SunnyInOregon, because she won a challenge of mine. I told her to give me some prompts and I'd make a story. **

**So here it is. Let me know what you think of it.**

**Thanx. :)**

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**Prompts: **_** Rossi/Hotch slash smut (non-mpreg), Whiteys ice cream ;-) muddy boots, a phone call, a minor injury, and a dog (not Mudgie).**_

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_**When in Iowa, Do As the Iowans Do.**_

_**CHAPTER ONE**_

"$760-dollar Ferragamo suede boots ruined…" he said to the little fur-ball, shivering in his arms. "If you weren't worth it, I'd kill you myself…"

Dave couldn't help but wish for a 'do-over' of the beginning of his evening.

As he limped up the driveway, he thought back on the start of the week…

* * *

_**Earlier that week...**_

His morning had been so promising of no bad karma. There were no open cases… all of his paperwork got done early (without little help from Reid)… Jessica had called early that morning to ask if Jack could stay over the weekend and hang out with his cousins (and Aaron agreed to it)…

Nothing could ruin his calming bliss… or, so he thought… when his office phone rang unexpectedly.

"Rossi…" he stated in his creamy baritone voice.

"Dave, it's me…" the voice on the other end stated, like business as usual.

"Well, good afternoon to you, too, mio Tesoro…"

"David, this is neither the time, nor the place… you know what Italian does to me…"

"Makes you '_**debolle nelle ginocchia**_**'**(('weak in the knees'))…"

"Agent Rossi! That's not the reason why I called you in the first place, and you know it!"

"Well, Aaron, since you are being 'serious Bossman' right now, I'll come back to my prior statement later… now, what did you need?"

"I just got off the phone with Sean…"

"Oh, really? So, where is your traveler-gypsy brother nowadays?"

"He's in Iowa… and, he wants us to travel there. He just opened a restaurant there, and he would like us to come there to see it…"

When Hotch trailed off, Dave knew there was something that the Unit Chief was hiding from him. The senior agent hung up the phone and swiftly left his office, moving to his lover's. After knocking on the office door, he entered to see the Unit Chief pacing back & forth.

"Hotch…" the bearded gent retorted softly. "What's going on?"

"Dave, nothing's going on…" The younger man answered back nervously.

"You're hiding something from me…"

"Me? I'm not hiding anything from you…"

"Aaron, come on… we've been together for four years now, and we've known each other for longer… I can tell you when you're lying… now, tell me what's going on…"

"Sean didn't just invite us to Iowa…"

"Okay… did he invite Jack, too?"

"Yes, he did, and he'll be excited to go on a little vacation… but he also invited two others…"

Standing and thinking for a moment, Dave got a sick feeling in his stomach… he knew who else was coming along on the trip.

"Oh, man…" the Senior Supervisory Agent whined. "Did he really invite the Wicked Bitch of the East and her Flying Monkey?"

"Dave," Hotch started in return, troubled by his lover's previous statement. "This is my mother you're talking about here… show some respect. I don't say bad things about your mother…"

"Because she actually loves you… your mother hates the sight of me and the mention of my name. She doesn't want her 'perfect' son to be a homosexual…"

"She doesn't want me to be a lot of things, Dave… but she is coming to terms with our relationship…"

"Yeah, sure… so speaks the restraining order against me for being in her home… that wasn't enough to show you that she's a sinister witch?"

"Dave, please…"

"Aaron, come on… she isn't gonna change…"

"Sean told my mother and my step-father that he was going to invite us, and she immediately said that she was still going to come to see him…"

"She said it 'immediately'?"

"Well… not 'immediately', but in enough time, where Sean didn't think she was gonna renege on coming to see him…"

"I dunno, Aaron…"

"Dave, please… do this one thing for me?"

"And, if I say 'yes', what do I get in return?"

The seasoned supervisory agent heard an audible sigh on the other end of the room and smiled. '_He's gonna make this worth my while…' _he thought to himself. '_And, it's gonna be sooo good…'  
_  
_**TBC?**_

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_What did you think so far? _


	2. Everyone has airport woes

**A/N: Yay, new chapter! Here is the new chapter of my fic... it was longer than before, which is good for me... I am trying to make ones longer than 1000 words for ya!**

**Hope you like where I decided to go with this chapter. **

**Thank you to the first 7 reviewers of this story: **_RogueStorm84, HansonFanGermany, bobbin lace, p95000, CMFAN2009, Patricia16... _

**... and, my always awesome beta, **_Alisa123. _

**I love all 7 of you guys, and I thank you again! **

**Read on, my friends, and enjoy this!**

**:)**

**_P.S. If my Italian is off, please let me know -and- I will correct it. Thx. :)_**

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_**Chapter Two: "Everyone has airport woes..."**_

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The morning of their flight from D.C. to Davenport, Iowa, was a silent one… mainly because it was 6am. As Dave made breakfast, Aaron calmly sipped his coffee. The two men enjoyed the quiet of the morning, when it was only the two of them. They both occasionally look at the clock on the wall, knowing what would be happening soon.

"Hyper kid or sleepy kid?" The mustachioed hunk inquired aloud.

"It's 6am, Dave... what do you think?" The younger man responded.

"Oh, hell... _**Ave Maria, piena di grazia ... prepararmi per il giorno prima di me… Amen.**_(Hail Mary, full of grace ... prepare for the day ahead of me… Amen)."

"Don't start praying now, stud… he'll be up any minute…"

"Just think if we had two of him…"

"Dave…"

"Don't 'Dave' me, Aaron… you know that Jack deserves a sibling… or two…"

"Jack deserves a rise in his allowance, but it's not going to happen anytime soon…"

"Babe, just think about it… a baby could make this house more exciting…"

"I thought this house was already exciting… Jack has two fathers, a swimming pool, a huge swing set… and, heck, our son even has a dog…"

"Mudgie is just not any dog, babe… he is a natural-born hunter, best male of his litter, and already proud parent of one litter of very energetic pups… he may even be studded out for another litter soon…"

"You didn't tell me that…"

"Well, it's baby-related, _**Tesoro, **_and whenever I mention anything 'baby'-esque, you get scared and change the subject…"

"Well, a puppy isn't the same as a baby…"

"Who's habin' a baby?" A small voice questioned out of the blue.

Both men turned to see Jack standing the doorway of the kitchen, dirty blonde hair all stuck up from sleep, one pajama pant leg up, and his Superman® blanket tied around his neck like a cape. Hotch put down his coffee cup on the table and walked over to his son, picking up his arms swiftly. He kissed Jack's temple and sat down again with the boy in his lap.

"So, who's habin' a baby?" The littlest Hotchner spoke up.

"Well…" Hotch started to say.

"Mudgie…" Dave interjected promptly. "Mudgie is havin' a baby…"

"Mudgie's no girl, Papa…" Jack politely remarked. "Mudgie a boy…"

"Well, buddy, Mudgie is a daddy doggie…" The SAC explained slowly. "He and a mama doggie had babies, just like me and Mommy had you…"

"So, I is yo' puppy?"

"In a way… yes…"

"Wow… Woof-woof!"

Both men chuckled as their little boy continued to woof and howl, sending their real dog running into the room.

"Mudgie!" Jack stated loudly. "I is Daddy's puppy… just like you is Papa's puppy!"

The chocolate lab barked in reply, before putting his front two paws on Hotch's leg to lick the little boy's face. Jack giggled as he got kisses from the retriever.

"Mudge..." Dave spoke up suddenly. "Get down off Daddy and Jack, and get your breakfast…"

The dog woofed again, before getting down of his other master and moving to his dog bowl, now full of kibble. The senior agent moved back to the stove and continued to cook breakfast.

"So, do we gets a baby Mudgie, Daddy?" Jack questioned aloud.

"Maybe, buddy…" Hotch answered, before taking a drink from his coffee cup.

"Maybe?"

"We have to make sure they have one left first…"

"Actually we don't…" Dave piped up.

"We don't, Dave? Explain…"

"Mudgie's mate, Dulcie, had seven pups of all different colors… her human 'mom', Gaelin, said that we can get first pick at the litter, since we helped…"

"Firs picked?" Jack questioned in wonder. "Daddy, cans we gets one? Pwees?"

"Yeah, Daddy, pwees…"

"Guys, we don't need another mouth to feed…" Aaron replied. "And, we wouldn't be home to take care of it…"

"Bud (But), Mudgie is id's Daddy… he cans tated care of id…" the little boy countered.

"Jus liked you an' Papa takes care of me…"

"Jack…"

"Daddy…"

"Face it, Aaron…" Dave started as he came over to the table, hands full of food. "Our little boy is right… we need another member of our family…"

"Dave, we don't need another member of our family…" The SAC declared again, covering his son's ears with his hands. "Don't put that in Jack's head…"

"Daddy, I cans no hear!" The little boy protested. "Let me down!"

Aaron removed his hands from his son's ears and put his son on the ground. Jack scurried over to Dave's side of the table and hugged his leg close.

"Papa, I wans a puppy…" The little boy begged, bottom lip pouted out. "We nees a puppy!"

"Well, _**il mio viso dolce figlio **_(my sweet-faced son)," the Italian spoke softly, picking his little boy up in his arms. "I think you should have one, or would you rather have something else?"

"Some-tin' elves (else)?"

"Yeah, 'something else', pal…"

"Dave, don't push this…" Hotch piped up sternly.

"Aaron, enough…" The older man turned to his son and smiled, before asking, "Jack, would you like to have a baby brother or a baby sister?"

"A baby brudder or a sisser? Like my fend (friend), Mah-sull (Marshall)? His mama gab him a wittle brudder… hid's (his) name is Addy-cuss (Addicus)…"

"A baby brother… wow! So, did you get to meet his little brother?"

"Yeah, he comed to 'Sow-N-Tell' one day… he wuds (was) wittle and mooed 'round likes a worm… an' he cah-whyed(cried) a watt (a lot), too…"

"Was that scary to hear Baby Addicus crying?"

"No, Papa… dat's how da babies talked, wem day is wittle…"

"So, does that make you want a brother or sister?"

"I dunno… cans I gets a puppy and a baby?"

"Maybe…"

"Alright, you two, enough baby-talk!" Hotch piped up, finally tired of their conversation. "Time to eat some pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon that Papa has made for us…"

"Yay, fewe-telly (_**frittelle **_[pancakes]) an' panny-cheddah [_**pancetta **_[Italian bacon]) an' an' an' my eggies!" Jack cheered happily, looking at the breakfast before him.

"Scrambled eggs, buddy… scrambled…"

"Sch-wam-bull…"

"Good job…"

Both men watched as their son ate his breakfast, knowing that later on, there was still a serious conversation to be had about more children, more animals or both.

* * *

Entering the terminal, the two FBI agents knew to keep their son safe and close by.

The airport was way too busy for Jack to run around, even if it was a Tuesday. Dave approached the ticket counter first, told the women all of his information, and lastly, flashed his badge, which he legally had to do. Aaron did the same, soon after him, as well as showing her Jack's information and identification card.

After checking their luggage at the gate, the three men grabbed their tickets and carry-on bags, and made their way towards the concierge club room that they qualify for. Dave flashed his member card at the pretty front desk attendant, soon following by Hotch. Jack tugged on his papa's jean leg softly, looking for attention.

"_**Cosa c'è di sbagliato, figlio mio? **_(What's wrong, my son?)" The older man questioned, picking up the little boy in his arm.

"I wanna see what you doin', Papa…" The boy replied, before putting his thumb in his mouth.

"I am talking to Ms. Gavin here, pal…"

"Well, aren't you adorable?" The Asian woman behind the counter spoke up with a smile. "What's your name?"

"Jack…" the 4-year-old responded back. "Wat's your name?"

"Shizu…"

"Dat's a coo' name…"

"It's Japanese… it means 'quiet'…"

"Is you qwhy-it (quiet)?"

"Am I what, cutie?"

"Qwhy-it (quiet)…"

"Oh, no, sweetie… not at all…" She laughed lightly, before speaking to Dave again,

"You have a charmer on your hands, Agent Rossi…"

"Don't we know it…" Hotch answered back, before the seasoned agent could muster a word.

* * *

Waiting for a flight to board can be tedious for some, but for a four-year-old, especially Jack, it was agonizing.

He had put together all of the puzzles he had brought with him in his carry-on bag, and at the moment, he was playing spelling games with flashcards of the letters. Aaron would ask him to spell a word, and he would find the letters and attempt to spell the word. While he could spell the easier words (like 'dog', 'cat', and 'ball'), some harder ones he couldn't quite understand.

The two fathers had to face facts: Jack was bored.

He was so bored that he had begun an annoying habit: question-asking.

"Papa…" The little boy started up softly, as he crawled into the older man's lap.

"Yes, pal?" Dave wondered back, as he continued to read a newspaper.

"Why's da sky boo (blue)?"

"Because of the sun…"

"Oh… okay… Papa?"

"Yes?"

"Do bunnies wike (like) sheese (cheese)?"

"Not sure, pal… but, we could always find out on the internet…"

"Oh… okay…"

As Dave flipped his paper over, Jack began to poke at the pictures on the other side of the page, making a large twap noise.

"Jack… Stop please…" The agent started up in a low, warned tone.

"So-wee, Papa…" the little guy answered back softly.

Moments later, Jack started poking the paper again, and once more, Dave spoke up in the same tone as before, "Jack… what did I say before?"

"So-wee, Papa…"

Dave went back to reading his paper, noticing soon after that Jack had jumped off of his lap to run over to the large observation window. Aaron followed close behind, lifting his son up in his arms to make it easier for him to see.

"Daddy…" Jack questioned aloud.

"Yes, Jack?" Aaron inquired back.

"Cans I ead gwass?"

"Yes, buddy, I think you can… you can eat a kind called, wheatgrass. People put that stuff in smoothies, shakes, and other drinks… it helps them get big & strong…"

"Ewww…"

"Yeah, exactly…"

Aaron tickled Jack's ribs swiftly, eliciting happy giggles from the young boy, before kissing his soft cheek.

"Daddy, no tissin'…" the little boy spoke up. "I not Papa…"

"What?" The SAC questioned back, confused by his son's answer. "What can't I kiss you? You're my baby boy, who I thought loved kisses…"

"I not a baby! I's a big boy now! I'm 4!"

"Ohhh… so that's why you don't want me to kiss you, cuz you're a big boy…"

"Yeah…"

"But, I can kiss Papa though, right?"

"Yeah…"

"But, he's a big boy, too…"

"No, Daddy! He not a big boy… he's a Papa… Papas aren't big boys…"

Aaron chuckled at his son's response and replied, "I'll make sure to remind Papa of that…"

"Yeah… Daddy, cans I gets down now?"

"Sure, buddy…"

The unit chief carried his son over to a sofa near the big window, before letting him down out of his arms. That's when Jack got quiet all of a sudden. He left out a big sigh.

"Bored, Jack?" Aaron inquired lightly.

"No… I tinking, Daddy…" The little boy replied, scooting closer to his father.

"Thinking… of what?"

"Abouts you an' Papa habin' a baby…"

"And, what about all of that are 'you' thinking about?"

"Who gonna be the mommy? You and Papa is da daddies…"

"Jack, I think we should discuss this later…"

"No! I wanna 'cuss this now!"

Jack scooted off the sofa and ran back over to where Dave was sitting, just finishing his paper up.

"Papa!" He shouted loudly.

"Jack!" the older agent responded, putting his newspaper down promptly. "We are inside a room… use your inside voice…"

"No! I wanna 'cuss sometin' now!"

"Well, I am not going to talk to you, until you apologize for being rude."

"I not wude (rude), Papa!"

"See… there you are being rude, son… you're talking loudly in a room, where people are talking quietly and want to be in quiet…"

"But, I not wude, Papa! I not!"

The little boy stomped his feet on the ground and began to cry, angrily continuing to say (through his tears) that he wasn't being rude.

"Jack, you need to stop that right now…" Dave spoke up, trying to get his son and his emotions under control. "You're supposed to be a big boy, and right now, you're acting like a baby boy…"

"I not a baby, Papa!" Jack sobbed aloud, stomping his feet again angrily. "I not a baby!"

"You're currently acting like one…"

"I not! Pwees, I not!"

"You need to act like a big boy, Jack, and you need to start right now…"

"No! I mad at you, Papa! I hade (hate) you!"

Jack ran back over to where Aaron was sitting, sobbed profusely.

He pulled the little boy onto his lap and held him close. Seeing his son in tears was heart-wrenching, but Jack had to understand the difference between being polite and being rude.

Obviously, the little boy didn't get it quite yet, and Dave wasn't going to be the best person to teach him.

"What happened, buddy?" The unit chief asked.

"I-I-I wenn ta 'cuss some-sometin' wit' Pa-Papa…" Jack began. "An' I-I-I say 'Papa'… an' Papa say I-I-I was wude…"

"Well, how did you say Papa's name? You say it really soft like, 'Papa…', or really loud? Or, did you call Papa by his first name?"

"I says id willy loud…"

"See… that's your problem right there…"

"Wa-wat id?"

"You said 'Papa' really loud… you didn't use your inside voice to talk to him… you know he doesn't like it, when you yell or shout, when you aren't in trouble…"

"I-I-I know, bud I-I-I- wanna 'cuss tuff wit' him, an' an' an' he wad weedin' hid papey…"

"Well, then you need to say, 'Excuse me, Papa… can I talk to you?' And, if he says 'yes', you talk to him nicely and using an inside voice."

"Wad if he say 'no'?"

"You say 'okay' nicely, and you walk away softly. Later on, you can ask to talk to him… does that sound okay to you?"

"Yeah… Daddy?"

"Yes, Jack?"

"Cans I twhy ahden (again) wit' Papa?"

"Okay, but I'm gonna come with you, alright?"

"Otay, Daddy…"

"Thank you, son…"

The two Hotchner men walked over to where Dave was. The older man was busy looking up some other news stories on his iPad®… it was the only thing he really knew how to do on it, thanks to Garcia's assistance and persistence to get the older man to be more tech-savvy. Jack looked up at his daddy with a sad look on his face, not wanting to move any further.

"Go on…" Aaron insisted, softly nudging his son closer to his lover.

Jack walked up with the older agent and sniffled a couple of times, before stating quietly, "'Cuse me, Papa…"

"Yes, Jack?" Rossi inquired, still reading his news story.

"Cans I talk to you?"

"About what?"

"I wad wude ta you…"

"And…?"

"I not a good boy…"

"And…?"

"I sah-wee…"

Dave looked up from his tablet and saw the bright blue eyes of his little boy, red & puffy from all of the crying he had done earlier. He couldn't let his son off the hook for being rude, but he couldn't let his son be upset either.

He waved his son over to where he was sitting, which the little boy quickly did, not wanting to anger his papa more. He balanced his iPad on the arm of the couch he was sitting on, before picking up Jack and putting him in his lap. The little boy snuggled into his papa's chest, putting his ear close enough to listen to the older man's heart beating through his dress shirt.

Within moments, everything was forgotten, due to the fact that Jack was fast asleep and hadn't asked his papa a single question, allowing him to read. Dave knew that the silence wouldn't last very long, but that moment, it was good.

_**TBC?**_

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_A/N: Should Dave and Aaron have let that kind of behavior go? Let me know what you think... _


End file.
